Interlude: Impenetrable.

[biteybaby]

The term “wake up call” can describe many things. It could describe an actual phone call being used to wake you from slumber, if perhaps you were staying at an unfamiliar hotel with an unfamiliar alarm clock the night before an important business meeting to discuss with a film producer whether or not the book character who, for plot related reasons, wears glasses in every book and is only ever described as wearing glasses, should have glasses in the film. In this case you would need an employee from the hotel to call you and wake you up on time, and should that employee mistakenly deliver the wake up call to room 5256 instead of your room, 6256, a film adaptation of a beloved, if unfortunate, series of novels could be ruined forever.

Another meaning for “wake up call” does not involve telephones at all, and is rather more metaphorical, and simply means “Mr. Poe yelling loudly from the front seat of his car that you need to wake up, because he has reached the bus stop, and you don’t want to miss your bus, now do you, Baudelaires?”

“Wake up!” Mr. Poe yelled loudly from the front seat of his car, waking Violet and Klaus from their impromptu nap, a phrase which here means “a short time spent accidentally asleep, after having been in a moving car all morning, and having spent several days prior quite sleep deprived”. “I have reached the bus stop, and you don’t want to miss your bus, now do you, Baudelaires?”

It took Violet and Klaus several moments to get their bearings, a phrase which here means, “remember that they were being driven to a bus stop so they could all three catch a bus to take them to a village simply known as V.F.D., where they hoped to find out more about the mysteries surrounding the terrible fire that burned down their home and claimed the lives of their parents, but mostly find their missing friends, the Quagmire triplets”, but it also is a phrase which here means, “realize that their baby sister, Sunny, was no longer in the car”.

“Mr. Poe, where’s Sunny?” Violet asked in alarm.

“Well, she’s right there in the backseat with you and your brother, Violet, don’t ask such a silly question.” But Sunny wasn’t right there in the backseat with Violet and her brother. Sunny was nowhere to be found.

“She isn’t here, Mr. Poe,” Klaus pointed out, doing a far better job of keeping his voice level than I would have been able to, had I been in his situation.

“Oh, well,” and here Mr. Poe paused, for a fit of coughing, before continuing, “I stopped for gas a while back, perhaps she ran in the store while I wasn’t looking, to buy some road trip snacks. I’m sure she’ll be along soon. It must have been while I was talking with that nice gentleman who worked at the station. I believe his name was – Oliver? He had a wife, at least I assume it was his wife, who did seem very well dressed for a gas station attendant’s wife.”

Many people, in Violet and Klaus’s situation, might point out that wives of gas station attendants can dress however they want, fashionable or unfashionable. Other people might feel inclined to point out that assuming every female seen with a man is that man’s wife is incredibly sexist. What Violet and Klaus pointed out, however, was that this was very likely Count Olaf and Esmé Squalor, and that the reason Sunny was missing was because they likely kidnapped her.

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous, Baudelaires, that man couldn’t possibly have been Count Olaf, as I already told you, I believe he said his name was Oliver. No, on second thought, maybe he said Omar? Oh, goodness,” Mr. Poe said with a cough, “You’re about to miss your bus! Gather your things, you don’t want to be late, do you? If I see your sister on my way back to the bank I will let her know where you went. Goodbye, Baudelaires, have a safe ride!”

There is another meaning to the phrase “wake up call”, and this meaning has nothing to do with having been physically asleep, just as it has nothing to do with an actual phone call. Sometimes, a wake up call can refer to an event that forces you to suddenly realize that things will never be the way you assumed they would be.


~~~

“Actually, they’re not murderers,” Count Olaf, disguised as Detective Dupin said. “They’re accomplices. You orphans are not smart enough to know what the word ‘accomplice’ means, but it means ‘helper of murderers.’”

“We know what the word ‘accomplice’ means,” Klaus said. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about the four toothmarks on Count Olaf’s body,” Detective Dupin said, referring to the deceased body of Jacques Snicket. “There’s only one person uncool enough to bite people to death, and that’s Sunny Baudelaire.”

“Our sister didn’t bite anyone to death,” Violet said, enraged. She was, of course, also incorrect, as Sunny Baudelaire has bitten someone to death, and that someone was an evil furby, however Violet was unaware of this information at the time. It is entirely likely that she is unaware of this information to this day. Violet, as well as her brother Klaus, were under the impression that Count Olaf had kidnapped Sunny, and was holding her hostage along with the Quagmire triplets.

“She couldn’t have bitten anyone to death,” Klaus spoke up, “Because she isn’t even here, you’ve –”

“Not even here! Incredibly uncool!” Detective Dupin announced to the crowd. “Just like a murderer, to flee the scene of the crime!”


~~~

“I just remembered,” Klaus said, in a quiet, sad voice from the jail cell he and his sister had been sentenced to, “It’s my birthday. I’m thirteen today.”

Violet hugged her brother tightly. “Oh, Klaus, it is your birthday. I forgot all about it.”

“I don’t mean to sound spoiled, but I was hoping for a better birthday than being stuck in a jail cell, accused of being an accomplice to murder, while our baby sister has been kidnapped."


~~~


The two Baudelaires stared at the bird-shaped fountain as the beak opened wider and wider, and eventually they could see two pairs of hands climbing out through the rushing water. I do not have to tell you how excited Violet and Klaus were to realize they had found Count Olaf’s secret kidnapped orphans hiding spot, and how happy they were to be reunited with their friends, the Quagmires. I also do not have to tell you how devastated they were to realize that Sunny Baudelaire, their baby sister, was not in the fountain with them, and that something much, much worse must have happened to her.

Sunny Baudelaire had not been kidnapped by Count Olaf, nor had he done anything much, much worse to her. In an exceedingly rare twist of fate, Sunny Baudelaire had actually been saved from the horrible things that would befall the other two Baudelaire orphans. But just has her life was finally filled with some happiness, the lives of Violet and Klaus had gotten a lot bleaker. Now they not only were being terrorized by a horrific man and his acting troupe, and not only were they without their parents, but they were also without their baby sister, with no way to reach her to find out whether or not she was doing alright. They might be mistaken on exactly what had happened to their sister, but watching Isadora and Duncan crawl out of the fountain by themselves was the worst kind of wake up call imaginable.